| People talk about the line in the sand when someone you love dies. When you think about a memory, there’s a metaphorical line that divides what occurred before the person died and after the person died. This becomes your reference point to relating to the world. I would remember things and refer to them as that was when Dean was still alive, and there was peace in my world and everything was right. Then sometimes I’d think back and refer to it as that was after Dean died, and the world seems so different, unfamiliar and strange. |  |
I remember a guitarist showed me to how play the Green Day song, Time of Your Life. I played it to Dean one day and he was so impressed that I could play it on the guitar. And so, I taught him how to play that song. That’s such a happy memory.
A year after Dean died, I left Sydney to teach out west. One evening I had this profound experience whilst looking at a photograph of him. The photo was taken on new years day, 2001, we were in the backyard at our parent’s house, with family all around and having a lovely time. It was a really cool photo of him sitting back relaxed, in a comfortable chair, his sunnies on and his warm smile. Looking at this photo I felt so much love and connection to him. I became immersed in feelings of euphoria and love. The feeling surrounded and filled me throughout. I was so happy and elated. It was like the most loving embrace. I felt bliss. A moment later I felt the same intensity of sadness and grief overwhelm me and I wept.
I sat on the sofa with my guitar, with a bourbon and coke, like we used to, and wrote this song, to the tune of the Green Day song, my lyrics just poured out and here it is.
See you in a photograph our arms blend and embrace
You are still alive and there is peace on earth.
It’s in the moment before I realise
These arms are shattered, broken undefined.
Heaven knows I want you here
I want you here with me
I don’t buy it was your time
to leave
You’ve got to stop feeling sorry for yourself
You’ve got to drop the bullshit, there’s nothing you could’ve done
Holy Shrine, I carry you with me
I tell myself you’d want me happy
Heaven knows I want you here
I want you here with me
I don’t buy it was your time
to leave
Another year has passed, another verse
A little more distance from that day
At times I feel you, at times I hear your voice
It reminds me, we are still close
Heaven knows I want you here
I want to understand
Your exit point, was it part
of the plan
It’s been many years since Dean died. And a little while back, I thought of that Green Day song, Time of Your Life, and played it on my brother’s guitar. I thought for a moment about the person who showed me how to play it. Wait a minute, I met that person after Dean died. I was teaching at a different school in the Snow Mountain region of NSW. That person did not show me how to play that Green Day song. And I could not remember who taught me to play it.
I wonder if the line in the sand becomes indistinct with time, or just some minor details fade from our memories, whilst the important ones remain. Someone taught me that song and I shared it with Dean. I know I will never forget Dean, but I do feel the distance grow each year and I miss him. And the moments I indulge in missing him cause me pain. “So, don’t miss me,” I hear him say, “You know I love you.”
Offered with Love,
Anna
A year after Dean died, I left Sydney to teach out west. One evening I had this profound experience whilst looking at a photograph of him. The photo was taken on new years day, 2001, we were in the backyard at our parent’s house, with family all around and having a lovely time. It was a really cool photo of him sitting back relaxed, in a comfortable chair, his sunnies on and his warm smile. Looking at this photo I felt so much love and connection to him. I became immersed in feelings of euphoria and love. The feeling surrounded and filled me throughout. I was so happy and elated. It was like the most loving embrace. I felt bliss. A moment later I felt the same intensity of sadness and grief overwhelm me and I wept.
I sat on the sofa with my guitar, with a bourbon and coke, like we used to, and wrote this song, to the tune of the Green Day song, my lyrics just poured out and here it is.
See you in a photograph our arms blend and embrace
You are still alive and there is peace on earth.
It’s in the moment before I realise
These arms are shattered, broken undefined.
Heaven knows I want you here
I want you here with me
I don’t buy it was your time
to leave
You’ve got to stop feeling sorry for yourself
You’ve got to drop the bullshit, there’s nothing you could’ve done
Holy Shrine, I carry you with me
I tell myself you’d want me happy
Heaven knows I want you here
I want you here with me
I don’t buy it was your time
to leave
Another year has passed, another verse
A little more distance from that day
At times I feel you, at times I hear your voice
It reminds me, we are still close
Heaven knows I want you here
I want to understand
Your exit point, was it part
of the plan
It’s been many years since Dean died. And a little while back, I thought of that Green Day song, Time of Your Life, and played it on my brother’s guitar. I thought for a moment about the person who showed me how to play it. Wait a minute, I met that person after Dean died. I was teaching at a different school in the Snow Mountain region of NSW. That person did not show me how to play that Green Day song. And I could not remember who taught me to play it.
I wonder if the line in the sand becomes indistinct with time, or just some minor details fade from our memories, whilst the important ones remain. Someone taught me that song and I shared it with Dean. I know I will never forget Dean, but I do feel the distance grow each year and I miss him. And the moments I indulge in missing him cause me pain. “So, don’t miss me,” I hear him say, “You know I love you.”
Offered with Love,
Anna
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