How much frustration have you felt, how many arguments have you had, ultimatums and bans have you made in relation to screen time?
 
I loved this information and the revelation it meant for me particularly in regards to technology usage, or screen time as we know it, because it helped me understand my child’s feelings and behaviour. Knowing what to expect has helped me keep my emotions in check, stay connected, and not take their behaviour personally.
 
It’s good to remember too, that children express their feelings through their behaviours.
 
Imagine the scenario. It may be time for dinner, or the time limit is up for technology usage.
 
Stage number 1 is DENIAL. It goes something like this:
 
Parent: “Your time is just about up. You’ve been on the iPad for over two hours. It’s time to get off the iPad.”
Child: “No it’s not. It hasn’t been two hours. I only just got on.”
 
Stage number 2 is ANGER. You know how this goes. Notice your own anxiety levels at this stage in response to their anger.
 
Stage number 3 is BARGAINING. You’ll hear things like “Let me have another 10 minutes. It’s not fair, Jason had more time than me.” Be careful here as they try to pry a window open for more time. Children want boundaries, even during a fight. Stay firm and kind.
 
Stage number 4 is SADNESS.  This is where you may give in. Best to empathise and support your child. Give them strategies to deal with their sadness.
 
Stage number 5 is ACCEPTANCE. Phew! The amount of time it takes to get to this stage is different for each child. Particularly teens who can go for days in the anger stage. The aim is to build their psychological muscle to go through these stages quicker and move on.
 
Our job is to teach our children how to handle these big feelings. In order to do that, we must be able to regulate our own emotions first. We need to model to our children that we can deal with our own emotions and behaviour.

With Love, 
Anna 

Would love to know how your kids go through the five stages and any tips on how you handle it.

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I love this time of the night. The joy of reading to our children and the connectedness this experience brings. And I know sometimes it can feel like a chore. If you do feel that reading to your child is like one more thing on the to-do list, it’s a good indication that you may be overwhelmed and stressed. (Email or message me if you’d like some help with getting back into balance.)
 
David and I had the privilege of meeting successful children’s author, Chris Cheng, at the Australia Day Ceremony in Kempsey, as he was the Ambassador this year. We were delighted to have Chris and his wife as dinner guests, along with the Major and her husband, and our Federal Member, Luke Hartsuyker and his wife.
 
Chris is passionate about early literacy and reading to children. He is a former school teacher who has made it his life's purpose to create engaging and beautiful books for children and young readers. We all know how important it is to make reading enjoyable. It was so lovely to sit around a dinner table and have everyone share their stories and memories of reading to their children.
 
Children have a hardwired need for positive attention and spending 20 minutes engaged in a picture book or novel, is time well spent in not only strengthening your bond, but also fostering brain development and helping your child learn.

Love, Anna
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annarawlings.com 

Affirmations Work! 

Aren't they just positive thinking? No, they're not.
You just pretend everything's Okay? No, you dont.

We have thousands of thoughts a day! Scientist calculate up to 90,000 thoughts per day.

Everything we say to ourselves is an affirmation (whether it is positive or negative). Our thoughts, repeated and given the energy of emotion, are creative and therefore create our life experiences. 

Here is a flip chart image from my workshop, The Magic of Believing in Yourself, to simply demonstrate how our thoughts create our feelings which fuel our behaviours and therefore our experiences.
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Your beliefs are a combination of what you’ve been told about yourself and your experiences as a child. Psychologists say that by the time we are about seven years old we have already formed our beliefs about ourselves and the world.

But don't worry. It's okay. It is not a fait accompli. Beliefs, are thoughts that have become habits and as thoughts can be changed, we can change our unhelpful beliefs. The first step is to become aware of them, and to apply a process to question the validity of the thoughts and then turn them around. Using positive affirmations can help support you as you make positive changes.

Any behaviour that has an unwanted consequence, can be traced back to a negative belief. Getting to the core underlying belief can help you better understand your child and in turn you can help your child experience more good things and success.

Comment below if you’d like some help with a behaviour or attitude.

Download my FREE Affirmation Poster for Kids.

One of my teachers, Doreen Virtue, gave me some good advice when I was fortunate to be picked on her radio show and have my question answered about my business and multiple projects. Her advice was that it’s okay to have lots of projects going at the same time and not to worry about it. I guess we call this multitasking. Some of us do get bored with just one project.

If as a child you were taught you have to finish what you start, or you must do one thing at a time, then these beliefs may clash with this idea.

Of course, if you make a project a priority or you have a deadline, you have to finish it. But it’s okay to have ongoing projects, and some that are abandoned, never to be completed. It's no big deal.

Perfectionism to complete all projects causes unnecessary stress. I’ve had to be aware of this tendency and remember, it’s the process, not the result, that is life. We can enjoy ourselves while we are doing the project, and not say "I’ll be happy when this is done." It's while you are doing the project, that IS life.

So I’ve dedicate the dining table to ongoing creative projects (it’s okay we have a kitchen table to eat at). I've made fabric covered noticeboards here, paintings, beading, and even hosted dinner parties. 

At the moment, as you can see, the kids have a few things going on. My daughter can add pieces to her peacock puzzle as she feels like it. Sometimes we sit together and add pieces. There is a Lego corner for both kids. And we have painting and drawing set up too.

Just like adults, kids like to go back to their projects rather than have to pack things away. So if you can spare a corner in your house, and accept that it’s going to be messy, maybe try this out and let me know how you go, or if you are doing it, how is it working at your house?

Have a look at this website www.artprojectsforkids.org for some creative inspiration. And remember, it’s not the product, but the process that’s important. 

A final bit of advice my art teacher, Clive Cocum, gave me - Have fun with it!

Love, Anna x

Sabrina, who had just turned four, asked me to play with her. I was busy working on something in my home office but I followed her to her bedroom anyway. She had the Pandora gift bag from her birthday present charm. It was filled with some toys. She told me it was her birthday party and we needed some Cheezels and lollies, that she was going shopping, for me to wait here, and she’d be “back in a tip”. Off she trotted with her bag in tow and her head up high, out her bedroom door, only to return a few seconds later with her shopped items for the party. She lay them out in front of us and we pretended to eat them. They were delicious.

Then we thought about other items we needed such as balloons. “I’ll be back in a tip” she said again and off she merrily went out her bedroom door, returning a moment later with the pretend balloons.  She handed them out and we began to (pretend) blow them up. As we were tying knots, her balloon got away and she used her hands and voice to act out the balloon spinning around and deflating. It was beautiful to see and it made me laugh. Not laugh at her but laugh with her and she laughed too. And we felt happy. 
 
We thought again about what else we might need for the party and I suggested a piñata. Sabrina liked the idea and off she went with her bag over her wrist “I’ll be back in a tip”. I do admit her saying “I’ll be back in a tip” was amusing, but I never laughed at it. When you laugh at children, I believe it humiliates them and they are well aware of when you laugh at them and not with them.  It’s about appreciating children and being in the present moment, as children are, and this helps build their confidence as you are focused and guided by their desires and imagination in the game letting them take the leading role.
 
The fact that Sabrina is using expressive language "I'll be back in a tip" shows her developmental stage. As
adults, we do best to model language for children rather than correct them for their misconceptions. What does it matter that she is saying “tip” instead of “tick”. The fact that she is using the expression in the appropriate manner is not only heart-warming, it shows her understanding of language and self expression. For the time being, I let it go. At another time I will use the expression myself and she will pick up that the sound at the end is in fact an “ick” and she will automatically correct herself next time she uses that phrase
and her sense of self will remain intact. It’s not a big deal this way. There is a time and place for explicit instruction, yet modelling works best with young children. Later I responded “Okay. See you in a tick."
Children have an incredibly good ear for developing language and grammatical rules through our modelling. But when we constantly correct their errors, they feel wrong, that they are constantly making mistakes and being criticised. Be sure that when you do model the correct language, that you don’t deliberately place an emphasis on the word being corrected because that will have the same impact as correcting a mistake.

When Sabrina returned from the shops with the piñata (all imaginary) I helped her hang it at the level she
determined. I asked her if it was a piñata with ribbons that we pull (like at her birthday party) or one we had to hit with a stick? She told me it was one we had to hit with a stick and we proceeded to hit it very hard until she indicated when it broke and we both dropped to our knees, scrambling for the imaginary chocolate gold coins which spilled out (as they did at her birthday party two weeks earlier).

The truth it that sometimes we don’t feel like playing with our kids. There’s so much to do. I don’t have time right now. I am in the middle of something. I’ve got a deadline. I’m under pressure. Or we use these as excuses because it can be boring playing with our kids.  Feelings of ‘I couldn’t be bothered’ or ‘I’ve done this a hundred times with you’ may emerge. That's understandable.

This game with my daughter took maybe 15 minutes and that was enough to fill her cup and mine. I made the conscious decision when I was with her that I was going to be present in the moment. I was going to engage 100% in play with my daughter and not think about anything else. Once I got into that space, I experienced love, joy and adoration for my daughter.

One thing that children can teach us, if we are open to learning from our children, is about being in the present moment. Don’t let this opportunity slip you by. When you spend time with your kids, make the conscious decision to be totally present and see what happens. You will feel like a kid again. Why? Because part of being a kid, from what I remember, is living in the moment and going with the flow. Even if it is for ten minutes. That may be all your child needs and enough time for you to have a break from your work or your own activities, and you will also be building a meaningful relationship with your child. These are the experiences and connections they will treasure and so will you as you think back in the future.
    
Please comment and share your experiences.